I Know I'm Strange, But I Don't Really Care
by CampionSayn
Summary: A one-shot. Woof wakes up in the middle of the night to strange sounds. Not Exactly bump in the night, though.


**Title: I Know I'm Strange, But I Don't Feel the Need to Change That.  
Disclaimer: I do not own Batman Beyond or anything connected to the franchise. If I did, there would be a lot more Jokerz action and Ghoul would be their leader… Evil thoughts, beg pardon a moment…Okay, I'm good.  
Warnings: Slight innuendo, fluffy-ness and spliced human/normal female human action.  
Summary: Woof wakes up to the sounds of something uncommon in the Jolly Jack candy warehouse.  
**"…_You're lucky to even know me, You're lucky to be alive, You're lucky to be drinking here for free, 'Cause I'm a sucker for your lucky, pretty eyes…"_

* * *

From where his head was upon his slightly damp from drooling in his sleep pillow, Woof could just make out the sounds of a very feminine voice in the kitchen. His ears pricked up in curiosity. Let's see, his eyes were still crusted and his body was still coming out of REM sleep, which basically meant that it was still early in the morning. Like, somewhere around six in the morning.

Lifting his head up reluctantly, Woof turned to his alarm clock that worked to wake him up around noon. The numbers glowing in bright green, the hyena hybrid was beyond surprised to see, read a very clear 5:49 AM.

His instincts, amplified by the last three years in his current condition, were suddenly screaming that something was either very wrong, or one of his comrades was very drunk and/or high.

Giving a low growl, Woof reluctantly stretched out under his sheets and climbed out of bed. He was awake now anyway, so he might as well go put one of the others into their own bed or beat the living hell out of an intruder.

His feet made no noise as he travelled down the rows of bedrooms that all the other Jokerz slept in. They were actually, more or less, storage units that each of them had cleaned up for their own devices, but they all simply called it the bedding sector. Woof's was the one second to the end, filled with lots of blankets he had made into a sort of giant nest, a few shelves used simply for his few clothes and anything he found useful.

The bedroom at the end was Ghoul's, and letting his steps pause for a moment, Woof made certain that his close friend wasn't making any of those fearful noises that came with his nightmares. No sounds at all, except for a few light snores. Good, the older teen had just fallen asleep.

Satisfied that Ghoul would be okay for the morning, Woof continued on, passing by the other Jokerz rooms and gave each one a once over, just to be sure that they were still in their beds and not making the noise in the kitchen.

Chucko's room was the first to come by. The fat man's personal space filled with many trinkets and computer parts and anything he currently had that he thought might be of value to other thugs or rogues. He had more shelves than anyone else in the warehouse and Woof dreaded the day that they fell on the man and either crippled him or killed him. Then the rest of them would have to move. The three couches he had placed together for a bed, some of their arms cut off to make that possible, were occupied with the much older man's bulk. Chucko's clown mask was still attached to his face as he slept.

Passing by Chucko's with disinterest, Woof was tempted to pass straight by Bonk's room, but made himself look inside. If only to be sure he didn't have to drag the idiot in from the kitchen.

Food, open bottles of liquor, boxes filled with crap, the four mattresses Bonk used to sleep on… Bonk himself, without his shirt and in just his boxers. Woof grabbed the door and shut it quickly, covering his eyes with his hand.

By the Joker, he hated that idiot…

Moving quicker than was fully needed, Woof walked down the hall and almost passed completely by Delia's room. When he smelled the fragrance she always wore, however, the teen came to a full stop and poked his head in beyond the door.

Her room, filled with more clothes than he thought an entire school could wear, perfume, a few musical units, mirrors, white paint, etc. Was no doubt interesting, but what caught his eye the quickest was Delia herself. She was on her comfy, fluffy bed, always covered in red linen, without any of her clothes, some of her make-up smeared and somebody else in the bed.

'_Not again,_' the hybrid inwardly groaned. There on the bed with one of the twins, (the evil one, in Woof's humble opinion) was J-Man. All of his clothes were gone as well and the smell radiating off of the two was enough to make Woof gag. This was the third time this week the pretentious twit had skulked into the leading Jokerz hideout to screw Delia. Woof and Ghoul were getting really tired of it. This secret "relationship" had the smarter people of their group on edge, all waiting for J-Man to start asking to get in on their heists, mucking it up in the process. Delia, of course, said that they weren't close, they weren't personal, they simply had lots of sex. So, therefore, there was nothing at stake.

Woof just hoped J-Man would be gone by lunch. He didn't want to listen to his bragging or suggestions again. They got on his nerves and although it was nice chasing the loser off the property, Delia had bitched about it for days after.

Shutting this door as well, Woof kept on and stopped at the last door in the bedroom sector, Deidre's. The door was open ever so slightly and he could fit his head in to check on the technically youngest twin clown girl. Her room was by far the cleanest in the whole warehouse. There wasn't a trace of trash anywhere, the floor was clean and everything had its place. She didn't have shelves, she had file cabinets and two large dresser drawers, all filled and brimming to the breaking point with books and papers that she kept as proof of existence. Many were historical or recreational and Woof often wondered where she had gotten them. Her clothes were in three modest sized suitcases and she had her little music player atop the one closest to her single mattress/futon nest.

But, Woof was startled to find that Deidre herself wasn't there.

"…_Do you want to be a Polyester Bride? Do you want to hang your head and die? Do you want to find alligator cowboy boots they just put on sale? Do you want to flap your wings and fly away from here..?"_

With a burst of speed he'd never presented before, Woof found himself in the kitchen in less than fifteen seconds, despite there being five hallways between the bedroom sector and the eating area.

* * *

Taking a brief second to breath, Woof straightened up and walked casually into the kitchen. What he was met with was not an intruder, but it also wasn't something he had expected.

Dancing a little and singing music that Woof was pretty sure belonged to a woman from the 1980's, was Deidre. Only, she was lacking the usual stuff that he usually connected with Deidre. She wasn't wearing her face paint, her fake freckles, her Raggedy Anne hair and sailor cap, or her Dee Dee outfit. She was in a bathrobe similar to a kimono, green with little blue butterflies and had her own blonde hair down.

And she was cooking. _Cooking_.

Giving a bark that usually wasn't indicative of a hyena from anywhere, Woof managed to get her attention away from whatever she was stirring in that large glass bowl the hybrid was pretty sure hadn't been used for anything besides his own water dish. And that was a month ago when he'd left it somewhere in the basement because Bonk had insulted it too many times. Apparently, it wasn't manly to drink from a bowl twice the size of his head that had little fish on it.

The younger twin gave a yelp and a small start at the surprise, almost turning to toss her creation at the hyena man, but composed herself as her face was fixed with a nervous, caught in the act of something that should be illegal type grin.

"Oh, Woof, hey! W-what are you doing up?"

Woof, unable to speak English, was reduced to charades when speaking to his other comrades. Ghoul could pretty much guess what he implied simply by asking yes or no questions, but the others had a bit more trouble. So, Woof commenced his usual dance with his hands and head and growls.

The hybrid tilted his head to the left side and put one hand under it, made a pretending to sleep motion, then pointed to the girl and finally gave a yip.

Deidre's blue eyes looked confused a moment, but then she gave a little gasp and put one hand to her mouth, "I woke you up? Sorry, about that. Most of the others could sleep through a train crashing through the wall. I just forgot about your ears… sorry. I'll be quiet if you want to go back to sleep."

Woof gave a half-shrug. It was alright, really, it gave him the chance to be prepared for J-Man when it got later in the day. And to top it all off, he got to see one of the twins (the Good one, he mentally put in) with her real face on. In a sexy little outfit that didn't bring to mind hookers, like Delia did.

Before he could make to go back to bed, reassured that it wasn't an intruder in the kitchen, a loud, almost deafening ring made itself known.

Woof clutched his ears with a whimper, but Deidre put the bowl down on the counter to bend over the very much still working oven. She slipped on the mismatched pair of oven mitts that many of the Jokerz had thought had simply appeared like lost socks in the middle of their fourth moving in day, and reached into the hot baking box. Woof momentarily lost sight of her as she disappeared below the counter to pull out whatever was within.

When she re-appeared, she came with a surprise. On the pan that he was pretty sure was supposed to be used for things like casserole, was what he was pretty sure was a giant square chocolate chip cookie thing. If it wasn't that, he was pretty sure he didn't want to know what it was supposed to be.

Setting the pan on a sheet of tin foil she'd already laid out, Deidre took off one of the gloves, grabbed a sharp knife that was actually used for steak that was bent at an angle and started cutting. The wonderful smell that met Woof's nose managed to make him salivate. Oh yes, it was definitely chocolate chip cookies.

When Deidre was done cutting out little squares of the tasty delights, she pulled out one of the smaller ones and one of the larger ones. The smaller one went into her mouth, but the other one was handed over to Woof without hesitation.

The hyena hybrid tilted his head, not quite willing to accept that one of the Deed's would do anything from the goodness hidden in the basement of their souls.

When he didn't accept the treat right away, the blond leaned in with it a little more, "Think of it as an apology for waking you up with my lousy singing. Or, I could always eat it myself."

Without any further provocation, Woof leaned in and snatched it out of Deidre's fingers with his tongue, a small trace of his drool being left on her digits. She looked annoyed at this, but didn't say anything as she watched him savor her cooking. It wasn't often she got assurance that she didn't ruin every meal she made. She couldn't actually cook, but baking was easy enough as long as she was in a good enough mood and nobody was bothering her.

Woof wasn't bothering, though. He was sampling. And enjoying it as he swallowed and looked with puppy eyes from her to the larger batch of cookies still in the pan. The puppy eyes soon to be followed by a little whine.

Deidre's eyebrow lifted devilishly, "Alright, I'll make you a deal. If you get J-Man out of my sister's bed by nine and never tell anyone I wear this," She said, hand pointing to her current ensemble, "You can have half of this pan and some of the brownies I have still cooking."

The mention of the dark brown treats was enough to cause his eyes to widen and his eyebrows to disappear behind his ears, '_She can cook BROWNIES?_'

The look on his face caused her to lose her devilishness for a moment. A look of worry replaced it, instead as she leaned in again and waved her hand before his face, "Woof? Helloooo? My cookies didn't make you stoke out, did they?"

He shook his head quickly. If she thought he stroked out, she'd throw away the cookies!

"So… Does that mean you'll get rid of J-Man?" She coaxed, raising the pan before Woof's eyes teasingly, his head bobbing up and down.

Woof's ears flapped up and down excitedly as he nodded his head. Oh, he would more than happily tear J-Man into tiny little pieces, fold him four ways and leave him for a cat toy if it meant free cookies and brownies! He couldn't remember the last time he had something so fantastically sweet as these!

"Mm, don't eat them all at once," Deidre suggested before wrapping up half of the cookies in the tin foil and handing him the pan, the delicacies wafting steam into his nostrils and making him give an appreciative moan. Not entirely thinking, he leaned all the way across the counter and gave the blond a light lick across the lips.

Despite the instinctive knee-jerk reaction to grab the bowl she had been using to mix more cookie dough and bash Woof upside the head with it, Deidre kinda just stood there with a dazed look on her face and a dusty blush on her cheeks.

"Er, okay, um, you're welcome?"

The splicer tilted his head again at her look of utter embarrassment as she spun with all the elegance of the flower fairies in Fantasia to go back to mixing her cookie dough. The robe made her, to him anyway, look just a little smaller and delicate. He'd never noticed before, but she was actually very pretty. Without her make-up and the attitude he was beginning to think was instilled in her by Delia, she was practically a nymph. Or a sprite, he could never remember mythology unless it involved gore and action. Either one, she fit the profile perfectly.

Ignoring the cookies for a moment, a little question was making itself known in the back of his mind. Why was she awake, baking sweets at an ungodly hour when they didn't even have a heist planned out today. They had one planned for two nights from now, but not today. Surely there was a reason?

Woof gave a soft yip to get her attention. When she turned back around, the mixture in the bowl had thickened and was making it harder to stir, but she continued to do so as she looked at him again, "Yes?"

The grey furred teen pointed at her, then the bowl, then the sweets and oven, then back into the hall that led to her room, and tilted his head so much he looked like an owl trying to snap its own neck.

Deidre let her hand stop spinning a moment as his question formed before her and she tried to think of an answer that wouldn't send him running or make her want to vomit for the second time that night, "Why am I awake at this hour cooking?"

Woof nodded. He also took the bowl and started stirring so she could explain without distraction.

She accepted his help and gave a little sigh. Moving for the other end of the island counter, she grabbed one of the few remaining clean cups and made for the coffee pot. The coffee itself sucked, but it would certainly keep her awake now that she was losing her earlier vigor.

Pouring enough of the steaming liquid into the cup to fill it half-way, Deidre moved a lock of her hair behind her ear and tried to explain, "Well, I actually woke up around three because Delia crash-banged into the warehouse with that… idiot. They had sex for a whole two hours before they finally ran out of steam and I've been here ever since."

Woof tilted his head, still not understanding.

"I tend to bake to get rid of the thoughts of my sister sleeping with him. It's actually good when you think about it. Win-win situation, since I don't make her mad by bashing his head against a wall, I wake up before noon to see the sunrise and everyone gets something sweet. That's healthy, right?"

The male in the room had no idea what to say. What did Ghoul say to do in these situations? Oh, that's right, nod.

"Okay," She said, changing the subject, "I think the dough is done mixing and the brownies should be done in—"

DING!

Woof almost dropped the bowl, but held off until he set it on the counter to clutch at his ears, face contorting in pain.

"Oh, sorry about that."

_Whine._

Setting down her coffee, Deidre put back on the oven mitts and pulled out the moist, delicious brownies. She set the pan on another sheet of tin foil spread out on the counter and immediately cut out a large piece for the splicer who had been keeping her company for the last half hour. It was the least she could do after her bell had hurt his ears twice.

Lifting his hands off his head tentatively, Woof grabbed at the brownie with his whole mouth. His teeth lightly nipped at the clown girl's skin as he clutched the morsel and he could see her shiver a bit from the contact. Her big blue eyes widened at his behavior, even though she was used to this by now it was still a little strange how he was unaware when personal boundaries were crossed. But, then again, the Jokerz weren't exactly well-known for their people skills.

She still smiled when he gave her a little chuckle and smirk, though.

* * *

At exactly 8:23, Ghoul emerged from his room to find something to eat. Usually, Woof would have woken him up, but then again, the grey skinned blond had locked his door this time, so it was understandable when nobody came inside. Not even Chucko to see if he could pocket anything while Ghoul was unconscious.

Rounding through the room that was considered the living room, that more or less connected to the kitchen, Ghoul had to bite painfully down on his tongue so as not to let out a surprised gasp, cry or scream.

Before him, in a long, seemingly never ending line upon the counter, were little trays of cookies, brownies and more cookies. They were warm, still smelled fabulously fresh and had a huge jug of milk set next to them. Before the jug was a little card with a red warning sign on it that read, to who-so-ever finds this…

Ghoul approached cautiously and lightly picked up the card. Holding his breath in the small, if not miniscule chance that it contained anthrax, the scarecrow-like young man opened it to read the message written in clean print on the inside.

'_**To who-so-ever finds these treats, you may not eat all of this in one sitting. These are for everyone and anyone caught eating more than entirely considered necessary will be eaten by our resident hyena boy. Also, if J-Man is reading this: GET OUT OF HERE NOW, OR WOOF WILL DISEMBOWL YOU AT 9:00! –Hugs and Kisses, Deidre.**_'

The blond gave a little snort at the end to the note. Go figure that the younger, more stable twin, would have baking as a hobby. Or be so negative towards… Eh, he dismissed that thought. Everyone in their gang hated J-Man except Delia, so Ghoul couldn't really blame Deidre.

A small whine sounded off from the living room couch and Ghoul spun lightly on his heel to spy Woof peeking up at him from behind the old, torn-up piece of garbage. He looked a little tired, but he looked a little happy, as well.

"Hey, Woof," Ghoul greeted, walking over to the couch with his usual slow, smooth gate that made him look like one of those models that walked the runway for one of those fancy modeling agencies, "What are you doing up so early in the morning?"

Woof gave a little hyena-like laugh, pointed at the foods on the table and then to the part of the couch that Ghoul didn't see yet. Then Woof dropped back down on to where Ghoul couldn't see him. And now he was chuckling.

The blond walked up to the couch and leaned over… to find Woof snuggling up to Deidre in a robe and very much asleep.

"Oh…. Well, good for you."

**This was written as a result of feeling pity for Woof and experiencing a night of having two Breyers Coffee ice cream milkshakes. I wrote it somewhere along the time frame of two in the morning, so forgive me if this doesn't reach the standards of most Batman Beyond fics.**


End file.
